The Road Not Taken
Feb. 15th, 2004 12:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vivienI had a dream the other night about what would have happened in an alternate time line of my life. It was pretty cool - I dreamed my life as an actress, if I'd not gone to college and headed out for LA. Which is funny because I only briefly considered doing that and nixed it because a) I like security
b) I don't like rejection
c) I didn't want to be a waitress
and d) I am lazy
But in my dream I was tan and skinny and I looked kind of like me, but not. I'd had a tough go of things, but I'd found modest success (character actress, don't you know - my size and high pitched voice wouldn't have led me to anything else), and I was at an awards show in a red orange halter dress with great hair. And I'd arranged with my agent to meet Billeh there so my dream had an ulterior motive ;) Obviously (or not so I guess in the LA acting world) I wasn't married, and that had been a sadness in my LA life.
So it was interesting. I never really wanted to take that path, but I loved acting in high school and college. It's kind of like a drug - the thought of it makes my palms go itchy for that feel of the audience in the darkness watching you while you create something magical and real. I'd love to do it again, like in community theater, but I will refer you back to item d). Plus community theater (rolls eyes) - I don't want to deal with the bitchy politics and the crappy acting by the people who always get the parts cos they've been around the longest. I was good when I acted - I would be good again, but I don't have the patience.
But the smell of stage makeup, the feel of those hot lights, the familiarity of the costume made to fit you, the exhilaration and terror when you first step out onto the stage... mmm, like heroin*...
*Not that I know what heroin is like ;)
b) I don't like rejection
c) I didn't want to be a waitress
and d) I am lazy
But in my dream I was tan and skinny and I looked kind of like me, but not. I'd had a tough go of things, but I'd found modest success (character actress, don't you know - my size and high pitched voice wouldn't have led me to anything else), and I was at an awards show in a red orange halter dress with great hair. And I'd arranged with my agent to meet Billeh there so my dream had an ulterior motive ;) Obviously (or not so I guess in the LA acting world) I wasn't married, and that had been a sadness in my LA life.
So it was interesting. I never really wanted to take that path, but I loved acting in high school and college. It's kind of like a drug - the thought of it makes my palms go itchy for that feel of the audience in the darkness watching you while you create something magical and real. I'd love to do it again, like in community theater, but I will refer you back to item d). Plus community theater (rolls eyes) - I don't want to deal with the bitchy politics and the crappy acting by the people who always get the parts cos they've been around the longest. I was good when I acted - I would be good again, but I don't have the patience.
But the smell of stage makeup, the feel of those hot lights, the familiarity of the costume made to fit you, the exhilaration and terror when you first step out onto the stage... mmm, like heroin*...
*Not that I know what heroin is like ;)
