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Jun. 28th, 2004 11:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vivienMy mom, as I'm sure most moms out there do, sends me corny forwarded jokes and stories pretty often. Today she sent a great one.
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He
did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Queen and Tim
Horton's. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said:
"Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles." And low and
behold they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size
14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented
crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and
Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its
own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin,
sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats,
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would
not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging
suits.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied:
"Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: "It is good." And Man and Woman
went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created The HMO.
And it was very apropos, since I just finished more of my GO story. Yes, I am writing again, with a happy smile on my face! Go me!
Speaking of which, here's a little thing I wrote yesterday for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
impulsedriven
The word to incorporate was leave, and I did it in less than the two minutes allotted. Woo hoo!
Sometimes in the dark of night when the seriousness of what she is facing hits her, Hermione thinks, "I can always just leave." Somehow she'd manage. Somehow she'd get into a Muggle school. Surely her courses would transfer. She could be a dentist, or a doctor, maybe a research scientist. Her parents would be so happy.
If it ever gets too bad, she can just leave.
But in the morning, when she goes to breakfast and sees the sad, tired faces of her remaining friends, she knows she could never live with herself if she left. She will stay in the wizarding world, and she will fight alongside her friends.
But if it ever gets too bad...
Summer break... It's so wonderful...
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He
did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Queen and Tim
Horton's. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said:
"Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles." And low and
behold they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size
14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented
crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and
Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its
own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin,
sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats,
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would
not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging
suits.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied:
"Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: "It is good." And Man and Woman
went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created The HMO.
And it was very apropos, since I just finished more of my GO story. Yes, I am writing again, with a happy smile on my face! Go me!
Speaking of which, here's a little thing I wrote yesterday for
impulsedriven The word to incorporate was leave, and I did it in less than the two minutes allotted. Woo hoo!
Sometimes in the dark of night when the seriousness of what she is facing hits her, Hermione thinks, "I can always just leave." Somehow she'd manage. Somehow she'd get into a Muggle school. Surely her courses would transfer. She could be a dentist, or a doctor, maybe a research scientist. Her parents would be so happy.
If it ever gets too bad, she can just leave.
But in the morning, when she goes to breakfast and sees the sad, tired faces of her remaining friends, she knows she could never live with herself if she left. She will stay in the wizarding world, and she will fight alongside her friends.
But if it ever gets too bad...
Summer break... It's so wonderful...
