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Waking Up (finally)
So when I look back on things, I have really not been okay since 2012. Before that, I had some patches of not okay, and since I've had patches of okay, but for the most part? Not good. Divorce, friendship breakups, losing Mom, the 45th president, crippling job of doom, the pandemic, all of the house woes... There's always been that place in my head that hosted the dark certainty that nothing would be okay and that life was misery with occasional flashes of hope that made everything worse.
With my medications regulated and my therapy ongoing, I am spending a lot more time in the present because I'm not spending so much energy in active misery. I'm funding the platforms that I'd be sad to be without - Ao3, DW, Tumblr. Silly little Tumblr, I do love that site. And I realized, hey, might as well pay for no ads and support it. I wish it was 2011 (AND HOW IS THAT MORE THAN A DECADE AGO!?!?!?!) in fannish terms, but it's nice to be in this 2023. I have space for new icons. Look, I have a new icon!!!!
I do not love Discord as the fannish congregation site it's become. Chat rooms never were my thing, unless it was for closed groups/projects. There is no way I want to plunge into a channel with people I don't know. Blech. Twitter wasn't great before the manchild destroyed it, but I am definitely feeling the lack of fandom connection it allowed for me.
Anyway, it's nice to just enjoy right now without worrying about tomorrow or yesterday. I'm considering buying a cheap dulcimer for myself for a Christmas gift. I played my aunt's a lot as a kid, and I'd like to make music. I'm hoping more creativity starts seeping back into my life, but I'm not worried about it or waiting for it. I'm just being.
With my medications regulated and my therapy ongoing, I am spending a lot more time in the present because I'm not spending so much energy in active misery. I'm funding the platforms that I'd be sad to be without - Ao3, DW, Tumblr. Silly little Tumblr, I do love that site. And I realized, hey, might as well pay for no ads and support it. I wish it was 2011 (AND HOW IS THAT MORE THAN A DECADE AGO!?!?!?!) in fannish terms, but it's nice to be in this 2023. I have space for new icons. Look, I have a new icon!!!!
I do not love Discord as the fannish congregation site it's become. Chat rooms never were my thing, unless it was for closed groups/projects. There is no way I want to plunge into a channel with people I don't know. Blech. Twitter wasn't great before the manchild destroyed it, but I am definitely feeling the lack of fandom connection it allowed for me.
Anyway, it's nice to just enjoy right now without worrying about tomorrow or yesterday. I'm considering buying a cheap dulcimer for myself for a Christmas gift. I played my aunt's a lot as a kid, and I'd like to make music. I'm hoping more creativity starts seeping back into my life, but I'm not worried about it or waiting for it. I'm just being.